Coming Soon to a Table Near You: Peppickions! The New Super Condiment!

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coollogo_com-68148900Sick of having to layer condiment after condiment after condiment on your burger, sausage, or hot dog?

Tired of paying grocery store prices for entire fridge-shelves of pickles, relish, and hot peppers?

Well, no more!

Introducing:Peppickions!  The new super-condiment that no-one is talking about!

(at least not yet).

*          *          *

No, really.  Why not have the tartness of pickles, the zing of hot peppers, and the bite of onions all in one condiment?  This lazy cook says it should be done.

The other day, I stumbled upon the idea for a new recipe, simply because I was out of jarred hot peppers — really, our pantry is only so big, and we can only store so many preserves — and also because I wanted to continue my one person revolution against the sweet pickle relish industry.*

Peeking into the depths of the freezer, I found the remains of a mixed bag of frozen hot peppers from last year’s harvest.  I had odds and sods left over after sauce-making and such, so I threw the remainders into a ziplock.  And, sure enough, they came in handy.  I grabbed one of the two last jars of Krista’s pickles from last year (hurray for having a full year’s supply of pickles this year!), and a local onion, and started chopping.

Really, this isn’t a recipe as much as it is just a chopped mess.


Dill Pickles
Hot Peppers (I used jalapenos, cayenne, and a bit of habanero)
Onion — whatever kind strikes your fancy

1.  Finely dice your pickles, peppers, and onion into relish-sized bits — the ratio should be based on personal taste, but I went with pretty much an equal amount of pickle, jalapano, and onion (with a bit of cayenne and habanero to add a hotter kick).  You can make whatever volume you would like.  It should last in fridge for a couple of days.
2.  Mix.
3.  Apply liberally to vastly improve the taste of a burger, sausage, or hot dog.

Yes, that simple.

What won’t be as simple is my mission to pickle this mess once harvest time comes.  I do plan on making a preserved version of this — using as many homegrown products as possible.  I’ll keep you updated on that process later in summer.

Also, later in the summer, you’ll be getting fresh hot peppers and onions from market or your garden.  Mixed with some pickles, you’ll have a darned good fresh condiment.

You’ll be able to enjoy your own fresh, local Peppickions!

Enjoy responsibly.


* I mean, come on!  How is it that dill pickles are far and away the most popular pickle type in Canada, and yet dill pickle relish brands and products are few and far between?  Is there some kind of relish conspiracy amongst the pickle manufacturers of North America?  Is there a pickle-fixing consortium in the preserving world that we, as relish consumers, just don’t know about?  How long do we have to keep on fine dicing our own dill pickles into relish?  For how long, damnit?!?!

I say it is time for us to stand up.  Raise our voices.  Call out for change on the relish landscape!

Next time you are in the condiment aisle of your local grocer, be sure to ask — nay, demand — that they stock dill pickle relish.

See a 98-year-old woman at Market only selling sweet mixed and chow?  Kick over her stall!  Let her know that she won’t be welcome until she reduces the sugar in her brine and adds dill, garlic, mustard seed, and tumeric!

Stop the insanity, I say!

Or, well…  on second thought… maybe make your own.

You might make fewer enemies that way…